Scene 8

Romanes Eunt Domus

[scary music]

CENTURION:

What's this, then? 'Romanes Eunt Domus'? 'People called Romanes they go the house'?

BRIAN:

It-- it says, 'Romans, go home'.

CENTURION:

No, it doesn't. What's Latin for 'Roman'? Come on!

BRIAN:

Aah!

CENTURION:

Come on!

BRIAN:

'R-- Romanus'?

CENTURION:

Goes like...?

BRIAN:

'Annus'?

CENTURION:

Vocative plural of 'annus' is...?

BRIAN:

Eh. 'Anni'?

CENTURION:

'Romani'. 'Eunt'? What is 'eunt'?

BRIAN:

'Go'. Let--

CENTURION:

Conjugate the verb 'to go'.

BRIAN:

Uh. 'Ire'. Uh, 'eo'. 'Is'. 'It'. 'Imus'. 'Itis'. 'Eunt'.

CENTURION:

So 'eunt' is...?

BRIAN:

Ah, huh, third person plural, uh, present indicative. Uh, 'they go'.

CENTURION:

But 'Romans, go home' is an order, so you must use the...?

BRIAN:

The... imperative!

CENTURION:

Which is...?

BRIAN:

Umm! Oh. Oh. Um, 'i'. 'I'!

CENTURION:

How many Romans?

BRIAN:

Ah! 'I'-- Plural. Plural. 'Ite'. 'Ite'.

CENTURION:

'Ite'.

BRIAN:

Ah. Eh.

CENTURION:

'Domus'?

BRIAN:

Eh.

CENTURION:

Nominative?

BRIAN:

Oh.

CENTURION:

'Go home'? This is motion towards. Isn't it, boy?

BRIAN:

Ah. Ah, dative, sir! Ahh! No, not dative! Not the dative, sir! No! Ah! Oh, the... accusative! Accusative! Ah! 'Domum', sir! 'Ad domum'! Ah! Oooh! Ah!

CENTURION:

Except that 'domus' takes the...?

BRIAN:

The locative, sir!

CENTURION:

Which is...?!

BRIAN:

'Domum'.

CENTURION:

'Domum'.

BRIAN:

Aaah! Ah.

CENTURION:

'Um'. Understand?

BRIAN:

Yes, sir.

CENTURION:

Now, write it out a hundred times.

BRIAN:

Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar, sir.

CENTURION:

Hail Caesar. If it's not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

BRIAN:

Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar and everything, sir! Oh. Mmm!

Finished!

ROMAN SOLDIER STIG:

Right. Now don't do it again.

[CENTURIONS chase BRIAN]

MAN:

Hey! Bloody Romans.

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