Scene 11
Ben, the ancient prisoner
- VOICE:
- Huo!
- [whip]
- VOICE:
- Hoo hoo hoo! Oh!
- [clank]
- [whump]
- BRIAN:
- Eh.
- [clank]
- JAILER:
- Eh, heh heh ha. [ptoo]
- BRIAN:
- Aah! Eh.
- JAILER:
- Eh, heh heh. [cough cough cough cough cough]
- BEN:
- You lucky bastard.
- BRIAN:
- Who's that?
- BEN:
- You lucky, lucky bastard.
- BRIAN:
- What?
- BEN:
- Proper little jailer's pet, aren't we?
- BRIAN:
- What do you mean?
- BEN:
- You must have slipped him a few shekels, eh?
- BRIAN:
- Slipped him a few shekels? You saw him spit in my face!
- BEN:
- Ohh! What wouldn't I give to be spat at in the face! I
sometimes hang awake at night dreaming of being spat at
in the face.
- BRIAN:
- Well, it's not exactly friendly, is it? They had me in
manacles!
- BEN:
- Manacles! Ooh oooh oh oh.
-
- My idea of heaven is to be allowed to be put in
manacles... just for a few hours. They must think the sun
shines out o' your arse, sonny.
- BRIAN:
- Oh, lay off me. I've had a hard time!
- BEN:
- You've had a hard time?! I've been here five years! They
only hung me the right way up yesterday! So, don't you
come 'rou--
- BRIAN:
- All right. All right.
- BEN:
- They must think you're Lord God Almighty.
- BRIAN:
- What will they do to me?
- BEN:
- Oh, you'll probably get away with crucifixion.
- BRIAN:
- Crucifixion?!
- BEN:
- Yeah, first offence.
- BRIAN:
- Get away with crucifixion?! It's--
- BEN:
- Best thing the Romans ever did for us.
- BRIAN:
- What?!
- BEN:
- Oh, yeah. If we didn't have crucifixion, this country
would be in a right bloody mess.
- BRIAN:
- Guards!
- BEN:
- Nail him up, I say!
- BRIAN:
- Guards!
- BEN:
- Nail some sense into him!
- JAILER:
- [cough cough] What do you want?
- BRIAN:
- I want you to move me to another cell.
- JAILER:
- Ha! [ptoo]
- BRIAN:
- Aah!
- BEN:
- Oh, look at that! Bloody favouritism!
- JAILER:
- Shut up, you!
- BEN:
- Sorry!
- JAILER:
- Huhh. [cough cough]
- BEN:
- Now, take my case. They hung me up here five years ago.
Every night, they take me down for twenty minutes, then
they hang me up again, which I regard as very fair, in
view of what I done, and, if nothing else, it's taught me
to respect the Romans, and it's taught me... that you'll
never get anywhere in this life, unless you're prepared
to do a fair day's work for a fair day's pay!
- BRIAN:
- Oh, shut up!
- [clank]
- JAILER:
- Ehhh.
- CENTURION:
- Pilate wants to see you!
- BRIAN:
- Me?
- CENTURION:
- Come on!
- BRIAN:
- Pilate? What does he want to see me for?
- CENTURION:
- I think he wants to know which way up you want to be
crucified.
- BEN:
- Oh, ha ha ha haa! Ha haa! Nice one, Centurion. Like it.
Like it.
- CENTURION:
- Shut up!
- BEN:
- Right. Right. Terrific race, the Romans. Terrific.
Back to the Life of Brian page
/ On to the next scene!
Adam R. Jones