Scene 18
Roger the Shrubber
- [King Arthur music]
- [clop clop clop]
- [rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr! rewr!]
- ARTHUR:
- Old crone!
- [rewr!]
- [music stops]
- Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a
shrubbery?
- [dramatic chord]
- OLD CRONE:
- Who sent you?
- ARTHUR:
- The Knights Who Say 'Ni'.
- CRONE:
- Aggh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here.
- ARTHUR:
- If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my
friend and I will say... we will say... 'ni'.
- CRONE:
- Agh! Do your worst!
- ARTHUR:
- Very well! If you will not assist us voluntarily,... ni!
- CRONE:
- No! Never! No shrubberies!
- ARTHUR:
- Ni!
- CRONE:
- [cough]
- BEDEVERE:
- Nu!
- ARTHUR:
- No, no, no, no, i--
- BEDEVERE:
- Nu!
- ARTHUR:
- No, it's not that. It's 'ni'.
- BEDEVERE:
- Nu!
- ARTHUR:
- No, no. 'Ni'. You're not doing it properly. No.
- BEDEVERE:
- Ni!
- ARTHUR and BEDEVERE:
- Ni!
- ARTHUR:
- That's it. That's it. You've got it.
- ARTHUR and BEDEVERE:
- Ni!
- CRONE:
- Ohh!
- BEDEVERE:
- Ni!
- ARTHUR:
- Ni!
- CRONE:
- Agh!
- BEDEVERE:
- Ni!
- ARTHUR:
- Ni!
- BEDEVERE:
- Ni!
- ARTHUR:
- Ni!
- BEDEVERE:
- Ni!
- ROGER THE SHRUBBER:
- Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?
- ARTHUR:
- Erm,... yes.
- ROGER:
- Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can
say 'ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence
upon this land. Nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange
and design shrubberies are under considerable economic
stress at this period in history.
- ARTHUR:
- Did you say 'shrubberies'?
- ROGER:
- Yes. Shrubberies are my trade. I am a shrubber. My name
is 'Roger the Shrubber'. I arrange, design, and sell
shrubberies.
- BEDEVERE:
- Ni!
- ARTHUR:
- No! No, no, no! No!
Back to the Holy Grail page / On to the next scene!
Adam R. Jones