Scene 23

The Bridge of Death

[gurgle]

GALAHAD:

There it is!

ARTHUR:

The Bridge of Death!

ROBIN:

Oh, great.

ARTHUR:

Look! There's the old man from scene twenty-four!

BEDEVERE:

What is he doing here?

ARTHUR:

He is the keeper of the Bridge of Death. He asks each traveller five questions--

GALAHAD:

Three questions.

ARTHUR:

Three questions. He who answers the five questions--

GALAHAD:

Three questions.

ARTHUR:

Three questions may cross in safety.

ROBIN:

What if you get a question wrong?

ARTHUR:

Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril.

ROBIN:

Oh, I won't go.

GALAHAD:

Who's going to answer the questions?

ARTHUR:

Sir Robin!

ROBIN:

Yes?

ARTHUR:

Brave Sir Robin, you go.

ROBIN:

Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Launcelot go?

LAUNCELOT:

Yes. Let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east that s--

ARTHUR:

No, no. No. Hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Just answer the five questions--

GALAHAD:

Three questions.

ARTHUR:

Three questions as best you can, and we shall watch... and pray.

LAUNCELOT:

I understand, my liege.

ARTHUR:

Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot. God be with you.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Stop!

Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

LAUNCELOT:

Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I am not afraid.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is your name?

LAUNCELOT:

My name is 'Sir Launcelot of Camelot'.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is your quest?

LAUNCELOT:

To seek the Holy Grail.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is your favourite colour?

LAUNCELOT:

Blue.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Right. Off you go.

LAUNCELOT:

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

ROBIN:

That's easy!

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Stop! Who approacheth the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see.

ROBIN:

Ask me the questions, bridgekeeper. I'm not afraid.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is your name?

ROBIN:

'Sir Robin of Camelot'.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is your quest?

ROBIN:

To seek the Holy Grail.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is the capital of Assyria?

[pause]

ROBIN:

I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Stop! What... is your name?

GALAHAD:

'Sir Galahad of Camelot'.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is your quest?

GALAHAD:

I seek the Grail.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is your favourite colour?

GALAHAD:

Blue. No, yel-- auuuuuuuugh!

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Hee hee heh. Stop! What... is your name?

ARTHUR:

It is 'Arthur', King of the Britons.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is your quest?

ARTHUR:

To seek the Holy Grail.

BRIDGEKEEPER:

What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

ARTHUR:

What do you mean? An African or European swallow?

BRIDGEKEEPER:

Huh? I-- I don't know that. Auuuuuuuugh!

BEDEVERE:

How do know so much about swallows?

ARTHUR:

Well, you have to know these things when you're a king, you know.

[suspenseful music]

[music suddenly stops]

[intermission]

[suspenseful music resumes]

Back to the Holy Grail page / On to the last scene!