Part IV: Middle Age

ANNOUNCER:

Middle Age.

FISH #6:

Oh. Could've guessed it.

MR. MARVIN HENDY:

Oh, that's much better. Thank you, honey.

MRS. HENDY:

You're welcome.

MR. HENDY:

Mmmm. It was all sort of misty before.

MRS. HENDY:

M-hmm.

MR. HENDY:

That's fine.

M'LADY JOELINE:

Hi! How are you?

MR. HENDY:

Oh, we're just fine!

JOELINE:

What kind of food 'd you like to eat this evening?

MR. HENDY:

Well, we sort of like pineapples.

JOELINE:

Pineapple. Mmm.

MRS. HENDY:

Yeah, we love pineapple.

JOELINE:

Mmm.

MR. HENDY:

Yeah, anything with pineapple in it is great for us.

JOELINE:

Mm. Well, how about the Dungeon Room?

MRS. HENDY:

Oh, look.

MR. HENDY:

Ohh, that sounds fine!

JOELINE:

Sure is. It's real Hawaiian food served in an authentic, medieval English dungeon atmosphere.

MR. HENDY:

Ohh?

MRS. HENDY:

It's--

[ssssss]

PRISONER:

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

[Hawaiian music]

Aah. Ah. Aah. Aaaaah. Aaaaaah!

MR. HENDY:

Hmm m mm mm mmmm mm mm mmmm. Isn't this nice? Ha hah. Why not? Good shot. Real Kodak. Oh! Thank you. Thank you very much. Hm mm mmmm. Dah dah...

PRISONER:

Aaaaaaaaaaah!

MR. HENDY:

...dah dah dah dah daah. Daah.

MRS. HENDY:

Hm.

MR. HENDY:

Huhh huh mm. Mmm.

MRS. HENDY:

Hmm hmm.

MR. HENDY:

H-mmm.

MRS. HENDY:

Hmm.

MR. HENDY:

Mmm.

WAITER:

Good evening! Uhh, would you care for something to... talk about?

MR. HENDY:

Oh, that would be wonderful.

WAITER:

Our special tonight is minorities!

MR. HENDY:

Ohh, that sounds real interesting.

MRS. HENDY:

Um, what's this conversation here?

WAITER:

Uh, that's, uh, 'football'. There you can talk about the Steelers-Bears game this Saturday, or you could, uh, reminisce about really great World Series.

MRS. HENDY:

No, no, no, no.

MR. HENDY:

What is this one here?

WAITER:

Uhh, that's 'philosophy'.

MRS. HENDY:

Is that a sport?

WAITER:

Aah, no, it's more of an attempt to, uh, construct a viable hypothesis to, uh, explain the meaning of life.

FISH #3:

What was that?

FISH #5:

What's he say?

FISH #4:

What was that?!

FISH #2:

Shush.

FISH #5:

Eh?

MR. HENDY:

Oh, that sounds wonderful. Would you like to talk about the meaning of life, darling?

MRS. HENDY:

Sure. Why not?

WAITER:

Philosophy for two?

MR. HENDY:

Right.

WAITER:

Room?

MR. HENDY:

Two-five-nine.

WAITER:

Two-five-nine.

MR. HENDY:

Yup. Uhh,-- uh, h-- how do we--

WAITER:

Oh, uhh, you folks want me to start you off?

MR. HENDY:

Oh, really, we'd appreciate that.

WAITER:

Okay!

MR. HENDY:

Yeah.

WAITER:

Well, ehh,...

MR. HENDY:

Mhmm.

WAITER:

...look. Have you ever wondered... just why you're here?

MR. HENDY:

Well, we went to Miami last year and California the year before that, and we've--

WAITER:

No, no, no. I mean, uh, w-- why we're here... on this planet.

MR. HENDY:

Hmmm. No.

WAITER:

Right! Aaah, you ever wanted to know what it's all about?

MR. HENDY:

Nope.

MRS. HENDY:

No. No.

WAITER:

Right-o! Aah, well, uh, see, throughout history,...

MR. HENDY:

M-hmm.

WAITER:

...there have been certain men and women who have tried to find the solution to the mysteries of existence,...

MRS. HENDY:

G-reat.

WAITER:

...and we call these guys 'philosophers'!

MR. HENDY:

Ohh.

MRS. HENDY:

And that's what we're talking about.

WAITER:

Right!

MR. HENDY:

Yeah.

MRS. HENDY:

Ohh, that's neat!

WAITER:

Well, you look like you're getting the idea, so why don't I give you these, uh, conversation cards?

They'll tell you a little about philosophical method,...

MR. HENDY:

Oh.

WAITER:

...names of famous philosophers,-- Uh, there you are. Uhh, have a nice conversation!

MR. HENDY:

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

MRS. HENDY:

He's cute.

MR. HENDY:

Yeah, real--

MRS. HENDY:

Yeah.

MR. HENDY:

Real understanding. Mmm.

MRS. HENDY:

Oh! I never knew Schopenhauer was a philosopher!

MR. HENDY:

Oh, yeah! He's the one that begins with an 'S'.

MRS. HENDY:

Oh.

MR. HENDY:

Umm, like, uh, 'Nietzsche'.

MRS. HENDY:

Does 'Nietzsche' begin with an 'S'?

MR. HENDY:

Uh, there's an 's' in 'Nietzsche'.

MRS. HENDY:

Oh, wow. Yes, there is. Do all philosophers have an 's' in them?

MR. HENDY:

Uh, yeah! I think most of 'em do.

MRS. HENDY:

Oh. Does that mean Selina Jones is a philosopher?

MR. HENDY:

Yeah! Right! She could be! She sings about the meaning of life.

MRS. HENDY:

Yeah. That's right, but I don't think she writes her own material.

MR. HENDY:

No. Oh, maybe Schopenhauer writes her material.

MRS. HENDY:

No. Burt Bacharach writes it.

MR. HENDY:

But there's no 's' in 'Burt Bacharach'.

MRS. HENDY:

Or in 'Hal David'.

MR. HENDY:

Who's Hal David?

MRS. HENDY:

He writes the lyrics. Burt just writes the tunes, only now, he's married to Carole Bayer Sager.

MR. HENDY:

Oh, waiter. This conversation isn't very good.

WAITER:

Oh, I'm sorry, sir! Uhh, we do have one today that's not on the menu. It's sort of a specialty of the house, you know.

MR. HENDY:

Oh, yes.

WAITER:

'Live Organ Transplants'.

MRS. HENDY:

'Live Organ Transplants'? What's that?

Back to the Meaning of Life page / On to the next scene!